June is going to be a busy, social month for out of town family members and as I’ve been getting the house “tour ready” I’ve had some time to think about hospitality.
What does Southern Hospitality mean to you? For some it conjures up images of fancy, catered garden parties with elaborate preparation and a pristine location. Better Homes and Gardens, Martha Stewart, and a whole range of private businesses promote this debutante style.
Hospitality is intimidating (and expensive!) when it becomes “entertaining”. The world puts a certain expectation on the quality of your house, décor, and the food served. Any time you open your house, it feels like you are under pressure to perform. For many of us, visitors are not just guests, they are also judges.
For me, Southern Hospitality reminds me of when mom would encourage my friends to stay for dinner. We might be feasting on hot dogs and macaroni, elbow to elbow with each other, but there was a lot of laughter and joy around the table. It reminds me of the times we had Sunday dinner with my grandparents. After riding an hour in the car after church to get to their house, (feeling so hollow I was sure my belly button would get stuck somewhere behind my spine,) we would be greeted not only with hugs and kisses, but with the divine fragrance of roast beef, mashed potatoes, and green beans.
So, as I stare down the barrel of my June calendar and I stave off the pre-party panic, I’ve been reminding myself of a couple of things.
The point of “entertaining” is to make a statement about who you are and to show off what you have. (Come on…I grew up in the Dallas area…you know that it’s true.) The point of hospitality is to serve your guests and meet their needs. The house doesn’t have to be immaculate; it just needs to be clean enough to make your guests comfortable. (I have had to remind myself of this as I madly scrub the bathroom tub in the off chance that someone will peek past the curtain and find occasion to criticize. My husband provides a welcome dose of reality when I get into this kind of perfectionist cleaning mode.) The food doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive – just tasty and nourishing. You are not offering ‘entertainment’ – you’re offering a service.
Attention should be on your visitors, not things. The point of having company is to enjoy their company! Yes, we may make an effort to cook a particular meal or lay out the nice china, but the point is not to show off what we have, but to show how much we appreciate our guests. Their very presence gives cause to use the utensils reserved for special occasions. We have fellowship that is more than the sum of the meal or environment. The world attempts to fabricate this kind of “togetherness” through material things as if having the ‘right’ outdoor patio, or the ‘right’ meal, or the ‘right’ atmosphere is somehow an equation for camaraderie.
Hospitality should be offered without conditions. It is important to welcome others into our homes, whether or not they will (or are able) to reciprocate. Hospitality is twice blessed when it is given freely without expecting anything in return.
So, as I count down the days until my June company arrives, these are the things I’ll try to focus on. (Though, faced with my mother-in-law, grandmother-in-law, sister-in-law, and aunt-in-law…let’s face it. I think the baseboards will all get wiped down in the process.)
