Lord Peter Wimsy and Life Choices

I had an interesting conversation with Woman of Balance yesterday about our life choices and priorities. A repetitive theme in a modern woman’s life is the dichotomy between choosing a ‘public’ career vs. living a ‘private’ life as a stay at home mom. Our culture values certain careers over others. “Wife and mother” is not as prestigious as “Doctor” or “Lawyer.” Somehow, the one profession has to diminish the other.

It reminds me of the central argument in Gaudy Night by Dorothy Sayers. Ms. Vane has been pursued by the inimitable Lord Peter Wimsy for several years and faces a difficult dilemma. Does marriage diminish independence, intelligence, and ambition? At a college reunion she meets an old school friend who was respected as a woman of great insight and scholarship—who married a farmer and no longer has the same edge. “I was once a scholar” she remarks, dispiritedly.

Scholars are those people fired with a thirst for knowledge. Seeking the truth is not just a philosophic exercise – it is the passion that drives all their actions- the prime mover to their stars and other spheres. Even if the truth is damaging, it must be brought to light. In some way, we all have an element of this drive. For some, knowledge and scholarship. Others have a genius for music. Another person might be gifted with communicating. Another for service and entertaining. We all are called to certain ‘jobs’ – activities that give us the deepest satisfaction and to which we give our last gasping breath of loyalty.

Eric Liddle put it this way in Chariots of Fire: “God made me for China…but he also made me fast. And when I run, I feel his pleasure.”

Both my parents are musicians and wonderful teachers, although we soon learned that they could not teach me effectively. Music is their passion. Second best from a daughter would not be tolerated. I remember my Dad telling me to “Do…or do not.” There’s no point in “trying” to play a piece well. You either play it well, or you don’t. And if you don’t, you keep working at it until you can play it well. Looking back, I can recognize and love this passion – I know the difference between playing a Bach prelude half-assed and playing it spot on. (Every note, slur, staccato, and diminuendo has a meaning and taken as a whole can change the entire argument of the piece! Yes…and when you’ve got it right, you feel like angels are singing and you are “God on the seventh day”.)

So…if we all have a job that is so crushingly important…how do you combine it with life’s other roles and responsibilities? What do you do when you are blessed with both a heart and a brain? When you want to love someone and have a family…but it could be ‘detrimental’ to your calling? Is there a way to reconcile it?

If you are a musician, for example, and you desire a career in music and performance…how do you reconcile that with the responsibilities of being a wife and mother? So much of you is being used up—your candle is burning at both ends. How do you choose?

My own career ambitions of being Vice President or Dean something-or-another have somewhat cooled since being thrust into a position of Executive Director several years ago. The tempestuous demands of this job spilled into the quiet pools of my private life and made me feel as if I existed somewhere in the 5th circle of hell.

However, I am happy when I am working around people I can respect and I can contribute toward a good mission. I feel like I am in a position to make a difference while working at a community college. Especially on a personal level. Colleges and Universities are bastions of liberal and irreligious thought. But for every professor who is teaching a mucked up version of truth, beauty, and goodness, there are 10 students searching for answers. Where else could a (somewhat) intellectual Christian be so subversive to popular liberal doctrine? I enjoy teaching and advising…and the old gray matter hasn’t ruled out the possibility of moving up the ranks in the administration or getting a second Masters so that I can teach a subject other than “How to not Suck at College” – otherwise known as “Student Development.” (History, Art History, Music, English…LOGIC! Those would be worth-while subjects… And I could assign readings in C.S. Lewis—ha! Take that…political correctness!)

Um…anyway…moving on from private fantasy…

Sayers’ answer about the balance between desires, priorities, callings, roles, and relationships…is that you really don’t know what is of “overmastering importance until it has overmastered you.” You find something or someone that you can’t let go. You can’t walk away. When you find two such things of extreme import, you make a delicate balance. It’s a difficult tightrope – especially for those who are mothers, students, directors, etc…but you do it. It is the activities that you can drop and be content with second-rate quality that fall by the wayside. You find your job, your calling, your direction by learning what things have power over you.

I faced a similar decision while sitting alone in my apartment the summer after I graduated, and I realized how hollow life felt without Ben. I knew I was free to move away and pursue a high-profile job elsewhere…but it wouldn’t be as satisfying without him. Being with him was more important than landing a high-profile position right out of grad school. I imagine there are many such decisions that we all have to make.

Critics will shout “giving up opportunities!” “Marriage is a trap for aspiring young women!” But in the end, I don’t find my career or any other part of my life diminished. "Regret" marrying my best friend, confidante, hero, and pickle-jar opener? What is there to regret? Marriage has been the single most liberating aspect of my life. What I do find difficult is not judging others for their decisions. (Um…can anyone say “Jo” and “Laurie” from Little Women…why did she run off and marry some old German Enlightenist dude when her fun, best friend wanted to take her to London?...) Because different things have overmastering importance to us.

I don’t know what God has placed on your heart to lead to you make your decisions…but I pray it is something that gives you delight and joy. You feel God’s pleasure when you teach, or sing, or play violin, or make dinner for your husband, or help a student, or look at your children, or feel your baby kicking. We all have a delicate balance…but by God’s grace while walking the tight rope, may you find yourself overwhelmed with the joy of living out God’s plan for your life...may his plan have ultimate mastery in all our lives.

10 Weeks To Go!

I've got 10 weeks before my little boy arrives, and it's sent me into a flurry of activity.  I don't nearly feel ready, and I'm trying to budget out all the activities I want to get done while leaving myself a little buffer in case he decides to come early.  I'm quite clear on the things I want to get done around the house - purge and organize every inch!!!

A while ago I registered because my mother-in-law and future sister-in-law are throwing me a shower, and I must say the whole registering experience was a bit overwhelming.  As consumers we are barraged by this constant stream of "must haves," but I know so much of it is totally and entirely unnecessary.  It was fascinating to see what other mothers were registering for (or not).  I am aiming to be savvy and frugal with the things we buy for baby, and I'd like to do things that we can continue to use for future children, which is why the colors I wound up leaning towards were creams and sages and natural things instead of "gender-oriented" colors.  I didn't go the route of a crib set since I think they seem like a ripoff, and I'd rather be able to mix and match sheets and blankets, especially so that I have greater flexibility with the items I sew for the nursery.  I'm also using remnants, sale, and old scrap fabrics to make my cloth wipes, and some sheets from my old king-sized bed (that is no more) will be turned into crib sheets and changing pad covers.


As I get closer to the end of my pregnancy and more things are falling into place, it had me thinking today that I would love to hear from some moms out there as to what were a few items you felt were absolutely indispensable for the care of your newborn?  What were a few things that you thought you'd use but never did?  What was something you wish you had purchased?

2 Hot Cross Bun Recipes

Growing up, we always had hot cross buns and scrambled eggs on Good Friday for supper, before going to a Good Friday service. Mom saved some for Easter morning (when we'd eat our colored eggs). I have heard that a lot of hot cross bun recipes are really dry, but not my Mom's! :) My sisters and I used to sell them at a local farmer's market, along with chocolate chip cookies. We called ourselves "Little Women" (because there were four of us girls), and when I really wanted to get a Pleasant Company doll (now American Girl), Mom had me save up for Samantha myself with the Farmer's Market money. Good times. :) Anyway, my husband loves the little women hot cross buns so much that we eat them all year.

The other recipe is from a good friend and amazing cook, Kate Nieuwsma. She made these last year, and although I haven't had them yet, I have heard from many people that they are to DIE for. So we got together this week and baked up a big batch. I have been waiting all year to try them - looking forward to dinner tonight! 

LITTLE WOMEN HOT CROSS BUNS

for bread machine (these can be done by hand as well, of course)

Add these ingredients, in the order given, to your bread machine pan:

3/4 cup milk

1/2 cup veg. oil

3 eggs (separate one egg; use yolk, save white for frosting)

4 cups flour

1/3 cup sugar

1 tsp. salt

1 tsp cinnamon

1 Tbls. yeast

Put in bread machine and set on dough cycle.  Add 2/3 cups currants at beep (or raisins – or throw in apple pieces and nuts, too).  Shape into buns and cut a shallow X in the top of each bun.  Let rise 40 minutes.  Bake at 375* for 12-15 minutes.  Let cool.  Then frost in the cross with frosting or pipe icing.

Frosting: 1/2 cup powdered sugar

              1 egg white (saved from dough)

              1/4 tsp vanilla

HOT CROSS BUNS 

(My Grandma typed this up, and I added in my own comments as well.)

Kate Nieuwsma made delicious Hot Cross Buns for Easter Sunday breakfast, April 2010.  She said that she usually makes them for her church congregation back home in Texas.  Here's her recipe.  It makes 2 1/2  to 3   9x13 pans full of buns. (You can also bake them on cookie sheets if you want to separate them into separate batches, etc.)  You'll probably want to cut the recipe by halves or quarters unless you are making them for a lot of people or want to freeze some for another meal.

In a medium sauce pan, combine:

    1 cup cornmeal

    2 cups milk  (soy milk may be substituted)

    2 teaspoons salt

    1  1/2 cup sugar

Mix until there are no more lumps.

Cut up 1/2 cup (1 cube) of butter or margarine into the mixture, then turn the heat on medium high.

Stir until it comes to a boil.  boil until thick like pudding.

Let cool about 30 minutes.  Make sure it is still slightly warm, though.

Meanwhile, proof 1 1/2 tablespoons yeast in 1 cup warm water with a sprinkle of sugar.

When the cornmeal mixture has cooled to lukewarm, add 3 eggs and beat well.

Pour yeast mixture and cornmeal mixture into a large mixing bowl. Add enough flour to make a soft dough (about 6 to 8 cups) and mix with a large spoon until mixture pulls together. Turn out onto a heavily floured board.  Knead for 2 minutes, adding more flour as necessary. (I sprinkle the kneading flour with cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice.)

Add 3/4 cup of currants or raisins that have been soaked in the juice of

1 orange.  Add the orange zest if you want. Add enough more flour to keep the dough from sticking to the board.  Knead 2 more minutes.

Return dough to greased bowl and let rise in a warm place for an hour.

Divide dough into golf ball sized rolls, and place in greased 9"x13" pans.

Cut crosses in the top with kitchen shears, razor, or very sharp knife. 

Let rise for 35-40 more minutes.   Brush with mixture of egg yolk and water.

Bake at 425 degrees F. for 20 minutes, brushing halfway through with the

egg yolk mixture.   Remove from oven and let cool.

FROSTING:

Melt 1/4 cup butter or margarine

Add 1 cup confectioners (powdered) sugar and mix until smooth.

Add the juice of 1 orange.  Add more powdered sugar to make a thin frosting.  Mix until smooth.

Pipe the frosting onto the crosses in the top of the buns.   Serve warm.     Enjoy! 

MAKE-AHEAD NOTE:  If the buns are made ahead of time, do not frost until after they are warmed. The dough can be made the night before and shaped into rolls, covered, and kept in the refrigerator until the next morning (they will rise slowly overnight and then you can bake them). Or you can make them in advance and freeze them; if you want to eat them in the morning, put them in the fridge the night before to thaw (or, if you’re having them for dinner, you can even just get them out at noon and let them thaw on the counter). Warm up in a covered pan at 350* and then frost.

Thoughts on Excellence

Excellent. Distinct. Noble. Superior.

These words put a glint in my eye. I want to be an excellent woman. I want to be a noble wife. I want to be a distinguished daughter of the King.

Today, I found myself feeling very superior to a couple of fellows in my weight training class who spent the entire time trying to slack off. They rested for several seconds between repetitions and constantly glanced at the coach to see if he noticed that they weren’t working. Not me. I’m an ambitious weight-training Amazon who would bench press 200lbs if my body permitted. (I like to think that I bench-press that much in spirit with the amount of zeal it takes me to lift my measly 75-80lbs.) I left class feeling smug and pondering about the drive that makes me want to excel. I vaguely connect it to the charge in Colossians 3:23:

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Growing up, I was taught to work hard because God is watching and working hard glorifies Him. (The historic “Protestant work-ethic”, if you will…) As Christians, the way we work is unique and sets us apart from the world.

Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.” Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky as you hold firmly to the word of life. -Philippians 2:14-16

How often do you come into work only to hear the grumbles from your coworkers? Every little inconvenience, every unkind thought is accentuated and rankles like a thorn scratching through a garment. “Oh…I so don’t want to be here…I can't believe that she...” “Why do they make us do it this way?” “This is so pointless…”

Working hard, without complaining or second-guessing God’s good plan is what makes us shine. As CEOs (and janitors!) it’s not just that we DO the work of our households…it’s that we do it joyfully, knowing that God has given it to us. Yes, even menial jobs like laundry and dishes should elicit thankful hearts.
(I say “should” because I see the thanksgiving in theory: “ie: God has given me clothes and even a washer and a dryer for my convenience…I live in an age and country where I don’t have to put my hands in a boiling pot of lye to have clean, pest-free garments…” but, I don’t always feel a deep sense of thanksgiving at the prospect of tackling my never-ending pile of laundry.)

Okay. But laundry aside…what I wanted to say is that I missed the most important part of these passages in my self-satisfied muse this morning. I was rereading them this evening and discovered that all of these images of greatness and excellence of shining like stars and having the rewards of being God’s children are surrounded with commands to be humble.

So...we're supposed to be great. But humble about our greatness. As my husband would say: "Buhwaa?"

Philippians 2 begins with an exhortation to put on the humility of Christ as we interact with each other.

So, if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus…

Wow. Thanks Paul. That’s an ego buster for Ms. MuddledMuse right there. If I really want to excel for Christ and not for myself, I have to get rid of my personal, competitive measuring sticks. Working for the Lord means looking to Him for approval – not looking to the side to see how you think you measure up.

It reminds me of The Horse and His Boy when Aslan reminds both Shasta and Aravis that they are not told the stories of others – they only need to concern themselves with their personal response and relationship to Aslan. Or, alternatively, when Christ silences Peter when he questions the fate of John (John 21:20-22): “What is that to you? You must follow me.”

Today, I felt smug because I was comparing myself to the other students I thought were slacking off. But what is that to me? I am called to glorify God by working cheerfully without comparing my efforts to others. I don’t know their stories or their hearts. But God does, and that should be enough. (Alternately, what do I care about how often someone else gets their laundry done…or how clean their kitchen is…? If the state of my kitchen and pile of laundry is glorifying God…then that is enough. BTW…now that I think of it…neither are particularly glorifying right now! Eeeek.)

Comparisons inevitably lead to rivalry which disrupts peace and charity. Pride is the antithesis of Love which is the foundation for the fruits of the spirit.

Colossians 3:12-15 shows how the spirit enables us to have cheerful and willing attitudes to do the work of the Lord, for the Lord.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful.

Charity covers so much—when we are working our hardest to glorify God without comparing ourselves to others, we can sympathize and help each other so much more. I know my pile(s) of dishes and laundry don’t measure up– how can I judge your pile(s)? I don't know what He has put on your plate this week...or what other work he might be calling you to. The knowledge that we are imperfect, and yet loved by a perfect Lord, leads to acceptance and strength—not apathy. That’s the mystery of being excellent and yet humble. Noble, yet meek.

Lemon Sponge Pudding

I had posted this over on my own blog, but the recipe was just too good to not share here as well.

Blame it on pregnancy or my general lemon-love issue, but for some reason tonight I was struck with a desire to find a lemon pudding recipe.  I stumbled across a lemon sponge pudding recipe and, after thinking about it for all of about 2 seconds, I rushed downstairs to get started.

Lemon Sponge Pudding

• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1 tablespoon and 1 teaspoon all-purpose flour
• 2/3 cup milk
• 1/4 cup lemon juice
• 2 teaspoons lemon peel (optional)
• 2 egg, separated
• Powdered sugar

Preheat oven to 325 degrees.  In a bowl, combine sugar and flour then stir in milk, lemon juice and peel (I omitted).  Beat egg yolks; add to lemon mixture. In a separate bowl, beat egg whites until stiff peaks form and carefully fold into lemon mixture. Place four ungreased 6-oz. custard cups in two 8-in. square baking pans. Divide lemon mixture between the cups.

 

Pour hot water into pan to a depth of 1 in.  Be careful taking these in and out of the oven once the pans are filled with hot water.  Bake, uncovered, at 325 degrees F for 35-40 minutes or until a knife inserted near the center comes out clean.

Promptly remove from water!  Dust with confectioners' sugar. Serve immediately.

These were amazing and I will definitely be making them again and adding them to my "For Company" recipe list.  The top was a lightly crispy meringue with a soft sponge layer below that and finally a bursting-with-lemon pudding on the bottom.  I added a little extra lemon juice to mine, but in retrospect I should have added a little extra flour because the pudding portion was a tad runny.  As far as presentation, if I had the ingredients on hand, I would absolutely top these with two raspberries and a mint leaf.  I'm glad I made four ramekins because Mr. Glass would have been eating his alone tonight if I had only made two.  They were such a beautiful soft buttery yellow when I pulled them out of the oven that I decided to go ahead and indulge.  I put the other three in the fridge for later tonight when Mr. Glass gets home.

Source: Recipe adapted from Allrecipes.com

Another way with po-ta-toes

Some of you might already know this trick, but I'm posting it because it worked out far better than I expected last night. I had some left-over baked potatoes that were getting old and needed to be used up.

Gnocchi

Use left-over mashed potato, or scoop out the insides of baked potatoes and mix them with 1 egg and enough plain flour to make a soft dough (roughly 1 cup flour to 1 1/2 cups potato?.) I'd suggest using a hand blender to get the mixing started because its easier. I put the egg into the potato first and then gradually added flour, letting the blender do the hard work.

Turn the dough out on a floury surface and give it a couple of turns. Don't worry if it's a little sticky. Then you roll the dough out into about 1/2 inch- 1 inch balls / oblongs/ whatever. I like to roll each shape into a little more flour to stop it sticking. Try semolina flour if you want to be a bit fancier.

All of this took about 10 minutes for me. Then I put it into the fridge until I was ready to make dinner. This helps it set, but I don't think it's absolutely neccesary if your family's starving right then.

Put the gnocchi in a big pot of boiling, salted water as if you were making spaghetti. Make sure the dough balls have room to float to the surface. They generally take between 3-5 minutes to cook. I like serving them with spaghetti sauce and parmesan cheese, but I think a garlic + butter or cheese sauce would work too.

Creative, cheap and a nice way to use up left-overs! I was really surprised how well they turned out.

Late Nights

 4 a.m. Muffin Baking

It's 4 a.m., and I'm sitting here on the sofa cuddled in hubby's sweatshirt, having just pulled blueberry muffins out of the oven since I can't seem to sleep.  Part of that has to do with our ridiculous schedule which is usually a night schedule but includes 3 days a month of normal day hours, and this would be one of those "normal" days.  Mr. Glass works full time and is also in school full time, pursuing an Executive MBA.  He amazes me continually!!  In an effort to support him, I am determined to keep the exact hours he does, to be there at the door no matter what time he gets home, to crawl in bed next to him, and to see him off every "morning." Technically, I should be in bed now but my poor pregnant body is confused and certainly doesn't adapt to rapid schedule switching as quickly as my pre-baby state.  Sometimes he isn't even home from work at 4 a.m., and we have pretty much one day to switch between a work night and a class day when they roll around.  On class Saturdays he gets up at 6am, goes to class until 5pm, and then heads straight into work, where he doesn't get off until 6am.  Again, he amazes me.  Thank goodness those 3 days of classes are only once a month!!!  He's been encouraging me to just sleep whenever I can, but I know how much it means to him that I'm up when he's up.

The other reason I can't sleep is that growing little boy in my tummy!  He's been wreaking havoc on my back and ribs, making it utterly impossible for me to find a comfortable position.  The past few nights the only way to take the edge off the discomfort enough to doze off has been to sleep in a semi-reclined sitting up position.  Dexter, our oldest (terminally ill) cat and the only one, due to his illness, with an all-access pass into the bedroom which we keep closed off to the other cats, has been so sweet to me at night.  He sleeps up on my chest in my arms with his head tucked under my chin.  When I get up in the middle of the night, as all pregnant women are prone to do, he goes out of the bedroom with me, sits and waits in the hall until I'm headed back to the bedroom, and snuggles himself in next to me as soon as I get settled.  Without fail.   He's pulled me back from the verge of tears many uncomfortable nights, and it is a true blessing from God that he is still around for me during this time given his kidney failure.  I'm (only) 27 weeks and have resigned myself to this discomfort through the end, but I must confess I'm nervous as to how much worse it could possibly get.

As for why I'm on here right now, it is to say thank you.  Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with a husband who works so hard for our family, navigates such a stressful schedule without complaining, somehow manages to find time to always be there for me, and trusts in You through all the garbage he endures at work.   Thank you for his job, as much as I struggle with why You are allowing him to suffer there, because You provide us with shelter and money for bills through this job, we have insurance, and because I firmly believe You are preparing Mr. Glass for something greater through these experiences.  Thank you for making the path to and through school clear, and for the opportunities You have waiting for Mr. Glass on the other side of school.  Thank you also, Lord, for Dexter.  It is abundantly clear to me that Your hand is extending his life, and I am grateful every day that You have allowed him to be there for me during my pregnancy.  And thank you, Lord, for giving me the opportunity to sacrifice my body and own personal comfort for this little life who is kicking me in all sorts of places.  Thank you for the pain in my back and my ribs because I know it is part of how You have perfectly designed my body to adjust and accommodate my son.   Thank you for the swift now-uncomfortable kicks he's been busy performing, because I know he is growing and healthy and strong. 

Thank you, Father, for all of these uncomfortable blessings.